Teach Your Kid To Act With Grace

This article was published in the first edition of Womans' Era,January 2013. I found it to be a very interesting and realistic article.

Author name: Kasturi Rangachari.

What are your dreams for your child in 2013? What do you plan to teach her? To work hard, to play hard and to come out a winner? That its a tough world and if one isn't on top of the heap,one is buried at the bottom?That if one isn't successful,famous and rich,one is a nobody and a nothing? And are you making a resolution that to help your kid,you will rush her from one after-school class to another and push her to succeed at something,preferably at everything?

Are you planning to hep her become competitive because if on doesn't pass everything on the road,one is being left behind and condemned to a painfully dull life of struggle,branded as a loser?

No one could fault you if you decided to do all this. It is a tough world and every parent does want his or her child to succeed because that means that the child will have a good life.

But what is a "good life"? Ask  this question today and the answer most people will give you is that a good life is a life with lots of money. It is having luxuries and power and being envied.

From this follows the next questions. What sort of person can earn this good life and what sort of person should parents try to  raise their child to be? Most people will answer that,to be successful today,a person must be well-qualified,ambitious and capable of doing anything to succeed. If they are honest,they will add that today a person must have a ruthless streak in him or her and shouldn't care too much for morals or ethics.

Does this sound extreme to you?It won't if you consider how obsessed most people are today with every detail of the lives of not just brilliant and successful men and women but even of criminals and anti-social elements who have made a lot of money. Our newspapers and magazines are full of stories about such people-cheats and criminals even when they are politicans and businessmen-and these news stories are devoured by everyone.

Money is so important in today's world that how these people got those huge piles of wealth is first ignored and later forgotten. The details of Dawood's son's marriage are drooled over with envy and parents sigh over the fact that it was a tasteless and ostentatiously grand affair paid for with money earned by very dubious means.

When one hears of the way coal blocks were sold and the profits that those who managed to-illegally- wangle them made,most of us do not think of the unfairness of the system and the loss that accrued to the country.Instead our mouths water as we think of all the money those people-cheats and criminals- made.

The truth is that money has become central to our lives in a way it never was before. In the past, earning money was difficult and the things one could buy with it were limited. Today,one can become a multi-millionaire by taking a few weeks to write a computer code that will create  new social media website and fascinating apps. Or by singing songs that kids not yer in their teens go crazy over.

So anyone with ability and luck can earn incomprehensible amounts of money when barely out of their teens or earlier ,and then the world with its infinite possibilities is in their pockets.

FASTER CHANGES:

Consumption patterns have been changing faster than one can keep pace with. Two years ago,I was both amused and scandalized when a young couple I know bought their two-year child an iPad. Today,I strongly recommend iPads to parents with even one-years. With the hundred of apps, an iPad can teach a child without seeming to. In fast,it can teach better than most teachers can,and that too in the best way possible- through captivating self-learning.

But iPads and everything else cost money and to be able to afford them,we want our children to earn a lot of money. But in the process, we forget to give them good role models. All of us will agree that role models should be people of probity,with high moral standards, people who are not concerned just with making money but who want to do good,people who give and don't just take, people who are honest, polite and principled.

But today,it's sad but true that while we will definitely find such people around is,they will not only be in such a minority that they can be easily ignored, but they are also unlikely to be among the famous and successful. So we are then reluctant to hold them up as good models.

All this makes it all the more important that we parents sit down and ponder the question of whether we are doing enough to ensure that our children grow up to be individuals with high values,integrity and character.

And among the qualities that we should try to inculcate in our children is one that is almost forgotten in today's highly competitive world. This is grace.

One meaning of grace is elegant movement,but the more important meaning is courtesy,decency and good manners. Acting with grace,showing respect and good will to everyone you come into contact with,to be kind nd generous to all and sundry. To show grace is to believe that people who have done us wrong and hurt us are actually good people who are only misled.

A person with grace hates no one. In theBhagavad Gita, Krishna lists out 35 qualities that a good man or woman must have. The first is "advasta sarvabhutnam",the quality of not hating anybody.

But today the world is filled with hate. We hate-to ratify our lower instincts,as a protest against the unfairness of fate and even in the name of religion. We hate because of our own insecurities,projecting enemies where they do not exist. We hate those who are better off than us,feeling that they have unfairly got a better deal than we have in life. Ask any divorce lawyer and they will tell you that most cases that come to them today are born our of competitiveness between the husband and wife that turns into hatred.

NEGATIVE FEELINGS:

In other words, this means that human beings today are filled with negative feelings towards others. But sadly,when we are filled with negativity,we are the ones who suffer,not the objects towards whom we have these. Negativity makes us feel utterly lonely and isolated. We are filled with stress and we all know what that leads to-depression,high BP, heart attacks, and the like.

Acting graciously, is the opposite of acting with hatred and the results too are the opposite. We are filled with love. We have positive feelings towards the world. Grace is inclusive and so we feel part of the society and the world. We do away with stress when we act with grace. We are able to live harmoniously with our fellow being and so we feel no stress. Instead, we feel joyous and uplifted.

Acting without grace in public life can change people's perception of you so completely that it can ruin your reputation and cause the populace to mock and scorn you. The public outpouring of anger over the outrageous reaction of liquid baron Vijay Mallya and his son Sidharth Mallya to the crisis that their airlines,Kingfisher, was facing is an example of this. When Kingfisher employees were on strike demanding that they be paid their overdue salaries(they hadn't been paid for several months) and were threatening to come to Delhi to confront Vijay Mallya at the F1 rally, Sidharth tweeted that,after 18 long and hectic days,he and his team had finally shortlisted girls in bikinis for the Kingfisher calendar girl 2013. He added that it had been a super experience.

In other words,master Mallya had been choosing between girls in bikinis,while according to reports, at least some Kingfisher employees had been contemplating suicide. Neither was his father more tactful or sensitive. After scooting from India,when the crisis broke,he was seen at a motorcycling event in Korea. He only came back(to attend the F1 event in Greater Noida) when his staff had managed to persuade Kingfisher employees to call off the strike with the offer that they would be paid some of their salary dues. And as a final insult, Vijay Mallya later scoffed at the threat that his employees had made, saying that they would never have been able to reach the F1 venue,let alone gherao him.

What does this behaviour tells us about the Mallyas? It tells us that they are selfish,self-centered, arrogant,totally insensitive,that they have no consciousness-in other words,they do not know the meaning of behaving with grace.

Another man totally without grace is Robert Vadra who responded to the exposure of some very dubious financial deals he had been involved in,with a very disdainful tweet about "the mango people in a banana republic". Besides showing the man to be without grace, it also shows him to be stupid. India is certainly not a banana republic and even if it was, who would be more to blame for that state of affairs than the family Vadra has married into?

Another example of graceless behaviour is the way DMK politician A.Raja allowed party sycophants to fete him when he came out of jail on bail. Came out on bail,not acquitted because he had proved to be innocent!He grinned while they wore T-shirts proclaiming that he had conquered Tihar jail and generally treated his release on bail like the return of conquering hero. Did the man have no shame? Any grace? No!

Shame and grace both restrain us from performing acts that go against decency. But today people like Raja, cannot be disgraced because they have no conscience, no sense of decency or any belief in te need for human beings, especially those who call themselves leaders, to set an example by acting with grace. But are the rich,powerful and notorious totally to blame? Since they are pursued by a media intent on covering their every action and relaying it to a hero-worshipping public intent on feting them,can they be faulted for being delusional and thinking they are demigods above the reach of human conscience?

ACTION WITH GRACE:

This makes it all the more important for human beings to realize the importance of acting with grace. When someone acts with grace in our presence,it is a wake-up call that tells us that there are more important things in life than winning,making money and being powerful. It makes us think of character and the kind of memories and name we will leave behind when we exit this world.

The best example of grace I have seen in recent times was on a social media site. Today,people are touchy and easily take offence and especially when this matter concerns religion,this often stokes the fire of hatred, But,the person whose act of grace so touched me,did not react in this manner. She did not stoke the fire of hatred,she doused it.
Someone posted a picture of a girl with facial hair that made her look like a young man on a popular social media site. Viewers were quick to follow it up with thoughtles and callous quips.That girl in question must have felt embarassed to say the least and could not have been faulted if she had lashed out in pain and anger. But instead, she responded with extraordinary grace.
Balpreet Kaur,who is a Sikh, took the trouble to explain her faith and why it forbade the removal of hair from the body. Sikhism believed in the sacredness of the human body and the need to keep it intact,she explained. So it forbade the cutting or removal of hair from the body. She then explained her own belief in the need to go beyond the body into the realm of good thoughts and actions. These,and not one's looks would leave a lasting legacy. She concluded by saying that she appreciated all comments,both positive and negative and by apologising-apologising!- for causing confusion and hurt.
The person who had put picture on the sire came out and offered his heartfelt apologies for his action which he accepted, was "incredibly rude, judgmental and ignorant". This man too showed grace.

Today hardly anyone apologises, or when forced to do so, does so in such a way,with so many conditions,so many ifs and buts,that it is hardly an apology. But the man concerning here,apologised with true remorse and without any conditionality or making any excuses. It is only individual integrity and grace that can save our world which is hurtling towards self-destruction on the backs of anger and hatred.

Yudhishthira was also called Ajatasharu or "one whose enemy hasn't been born" because of the love and grace he showed towards everyone. These qualities inspired respect,admiration and derefence in everyne who came into contact with him and so he had no foes. If the world were full of Ajatashatrus, we never need fear what the future holds for the human race. So let us raise our children to be Ajatashatrus.

Of monuments, mountains and valleys: 25th Dec '98-3rd Jan '99

We were a group of around 20 people. It was our first ever trip to North India. We spent about a month preparing for the trip. It all started on Christmas, when we boarded the train to Agra.

 DAY-1 26^th Dec,’98:

 We were greeted at the Agra station, by thick, dense fog which persisted throughout the day and cleared only during the afternoon.Initially we thought that we reached the station at 5am,but we were shocked when we saw it was 7 am. It was very dark and the visibility was not even 10 metres for the naked eye similar,in the movies showing persons disappearing into thin air.Opening our mouths,we could see white vapours coming out. It was unusual to everybody,since it was our first experience in such conditions.

The first monument we saw was the Agra Fort. It was very solid, huge, made from red brick. We learnt that during the Mughal era,Shah Jahan,in his later years, was kept as a prisoner in the Agra Fort by his son, Aurangzeb. As per historicans, Shah Jahan requested for a room, in a tower within the fort,known as Muasamman Bur from where he could gaze endlessly at the Taj Mahal. The balcony of the Muasamman Bur was made up from marble.

More details of the fort can be found here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agra_Fort

 The strongest memory of the Agra Fort that I recollect, is a giant monkey jumping out of nowhere on to my unsuspecting mother, who was carrying a bunch of bananas in her hand. Obviously, the monkey could not resist while its favourite fruit was in danger of disappearing.

Of course, we could not leave Agra without visiting the Taj Mahal. In an effort to protect the Taj Mahal from vehicular pollution,we were taken to the monument on carts driven by horses. With the main entrance on one end, and the flowing Yamuna River on the opposite end, the giant expanse of smooth, lustrous white marble, carved into angles and curves, was a sight to behold.

Later that night,we boarded the train to the capital of India-New Delhi. When the train came,women and children got into it from two doors. Luggage was thrown into the train from another two doors and the gents jumped into it,since the train stopped for only 2 min.

DAY-2 27^th Dec,’98:

Our day in Delhi began with a visit to the historic Qutub Minar, followed by the Lotus Temple. The evening was spent at the Karol Bagh market, teeming with its never-ending activity, buying additional winter wears for our trip to the hillstations of Shimla and Manali.

DAY-3 28^th  Dec,’98:

Off we started on a long road trip to Shimla.  En route,we had a ride in a cable car. We reached Shimla late in the night. But alas, most of the passengers were either sleeping or drowsy from taking the anti-vomit tablets and missed the entry  into the town of Shimla, its twinkling lights, narrow clean pathways, extending out their hands as if welcoming us. We were booked into a hotel,Honeymoon Inn. It was living a dream.

DAY-4 29^th Dec,’98:

Shimla is famous for its Green Valley, which, during Jan-Feb, is usually covered in snow. The Green Valley derives its name from the numerous coniferous (pine) trees spread across the valley. We also put on a few local costumes and took various snapshots.

We then proceeded to Kufri, a famous ski resort near Shimla. Usually what would have been full of snow, was now rocky brown and hilly terrain. To get to the top of the mountain, we had to ride horses. My dad and I went together,I on the horseback, while my dad walked alongside. The women stayed back at the base. At the top of the mountain, we saw Mount Kailash, abode of Lord Shiva, through a telescope. The rest of the day was spent visitng a helipad and local film shooting locations.

DAY-5 30^th Dec,’98:

Manali. Our next destination. We started from Shimla in the morning and reached Manali in the evening, via Kullu. The scenery was simply mindblowing. We had the Beas river giving us company throughout the journey. Water silently flowing amidst boulders, rocks and pebbles, sunlight playing hide and seek with the coniferous trees, curvy roads, high mountain peaks, are some of the descriptions of the wonderful bus journey.. It was sub-zero temperature in the night, and the heaters in our hotel rooms were not working properly. Till date I don’t know how we managed to survive on heat pads, rubber pouches filled with hot water and placed on the bed. We were not very bothered with it, once we saw our first glimpse of the snow-capped Himalayan peaks during dawn from the window of our room. At sunrise, we saw the snow capped peaks bathed in the Sun’s rays, glowing in gold.

We could not wait to get to the snow-clad mountains. Jeeps took us to Rohtang Pass, located even higher than Manali. The roads leading to Rohtang Pass were very steep, narrow and rocky, huge mountain boulders on one side, and the deep valley on the other side. We were 6 people squeezed into a single jeep and I remember one of my relatives fervently praying that the vehicle wouldn’t fall into the deep ravines below. Traffic was stuck for an hour because of a landslide which had occurred, blocking the road with boulders.

On the way, we stopped by to hire some more fur sweaters and leather boots to protect us from the cold harsh wind blowing over the terrain of Rohtang Pass.

At Rohtang Pass, the snow was hardened and it was very slippery. Our leather boots made it all the more difficult to walk. Cold rough winds blew over, leaving our skin devoid of moisture. That did not prevent us from walking over the slippery ice and taking snaps. However, we could not stay there for a long time and returned back, glad to be in the warmth of the hotel.

DAY-6 31^th Dec,’98:

Solang valley, Hidimba temple, Hot springs, Buddhist temple and Club House were some of the places we visited at Manali. At Solang Valley, some of us gave an attempt at parasailing. Solang valley was very beautiful,the snow clad mountains and clear blue skies surrounding the green valley.

At Manali, I had my first shot at French fries. Since then, Ive been a mad fan of French fries!

DAY-7 1^st Jan, ‘99:

We proceeded back to Delhi from Manali. It was a very long journey by bus and we were too tired when we reached Delhi at midnight. The route from Manali to Delhi was covered in thick dense fog. All aboard the bus was asleep except for my father and another relative (and the driver of course).The bus was moving in darkness,guided by the tail lamp posts of the vehicle going ahead of our bus. They were scared to death!

DAY-8 2^nd Jan,’99:

Our last day of the trip was spent visiting the Red Fort, Raj Ghat, Rashtrapati Bhavan and the India Gate, landmarks of Delhi. We bought few souvenirs as a reminder of the wonderful tour.That evening,we took the train back to Hyderabad.At the station,we were in such a hurry. We did not get proper transportation to the station. We reached in different batches.Time was running out and we did not get seats in one compartment.Cell phones were a rarity during those days,so we did not know if everyone had got into the train.And to top it all.two people paid the same porter for carrying the same luggage!

DIARY OF A TRAVELLER

As a child and as a teenager I have been fortunate to travel to quite a number of places spread across the breadth and width of India, right from the shores of Kanyakumari to the rocky mountains of Rohtang Pass, from the blue city of Jodhpur, to the Indo-Nepal border near Darjeeling. And it was not limited to Indian boundaries also. Some trips were in the company of family while others were adventure camps conducted by my school.  This article describes each travelling experience and for the sake of easy reading, is broken into each describing a different tourist trip,in chronological order.

The earliest trip I remember vaguely was when we took a trip around Tamil Nadu-Kanyakumari, Rameshwaram, Madurai, Thanjavore, Trichy I was around 6.5 years and used to live in Chennai, so I have a very faint memory of the trip. All I remember is that during the trip I used to insist on changing my clothes every time we went to a new town. Once on reaching Madurai from another place, it was getting late, so we decided to visit the temple directly. I was very stubborn during that time and wanted to go to the temple wearing only pavada and not any other dress. So finally I managed to change my dress in the van itself !

 

There have been many memories of my trips and some of them have had a long lasting impression on my mind. One of them is the trip to Himachal Pradesh which I have described in more detail in the next post.

Speech by Jesse Owens

Jesse Owens is a world famous athlete. After gettingr his first Olympic gold medal, he spoke the following lines:

"To those of you who laughed at me, thank you.
 Without you, I wouldnt have cried.
 To those of you who couldnt just love me, thank you.
 Without you, I wouldn't have known real love.
 To those of you who hurt my feelings, thank you.
 Without you, I wouldn't have felt them.
 To those of you who left me lonely, thank you.
 Without you, I wouldn't have discovered myself.
 But it is to those of you who thought I couldn't do it;
 It is you I thank the most,
 Because without you, I wouldn't have tried"

Definitions

This interesting article was found in my lab.Author unknown.

"Standing for what you believe in

 Regardless of the odds against you

 and the pressure that tears at your resistance

 ....means courage.

 Keeping a smile on your face,

 when inside you feel like dying,

 For the sake of supporting others,

 ....means strength

 Stopping at nothing,

 And doing what's in your heart,

 you know is right,

 ....means determination

 Doing more than is expected,

 To make another's life a little more bearable,

 Without uttering a single complaint

 ....means compassion

 Helping a friend in need,

 No matter the time or effort,

 To the best of your ability,

 ...means loyalty

 Giving more than you have,

 And expect nothing

 But nothing in return,

 ......means selflessness

 Holding your head high,

 And bring the best you know you can be,

 When life seems to fall apart at your feet,

 Facing each difficulty with the confidence

 That time will bring you better tomorrows'

 And never giving up,

....... means confidence.

Three Things In Life

Got this piece long back from an unknown source. Found it pretty inspiring. Thought to share it with you all:

THREE THINGS IN LIFE-Once gone, never come back:
  
WORDS, OPPORTUNITY and TIME


THREE THINGS IN LIFE-must never be lost:
  
PEACE,HOPE and HONESTY

THREE THINGS IN LIFE-that destroy a person:
  
GREED,PRIDE and ANGER

THREE THINGS IN LIFE-are never sure
  
DREAMS,SUCCESS and FORTUNE

THREE THINGS IN LIFE-that make you a great person

HARDWORK, SINCERITY and SUCCESS     

THREE THINGS IN LIFE-are most valuable

LOVE, SELF-CONFIDENCE and FRIENDS
  

THE BEGINNING OF A TALE: NCBS AS SEEN THROUGH THE EYES OF A FRESH GRADUATE

“A very professional and fastidious place to work in, with a very strong and dominating work culture. Not for the faint of heart”- Anonymous 

Well maintained lawns, spic and span corridors, beautiful buildings, state-of-the-art labs, sophisticated infrastructure, tasty food, lively people and above all-stimulating research work. That about sums up the first impressions of NCBS by first-time visitors here. A place that will tend to increase your fetish for research.

My first visit to the NCBS campus was during the interviews into the PhD programme. I fell in love with the place at first sight. I got bowled over by the warm reception we got and by the beautiful landscape of the campus. It transported me into another world. I felt I was in a foreign university except that the majority of the people there were Indians. It gave me the distinct aura of being in a corporate company (reminded me of the summer internship spent in Dr Reddy Laboratories).

I managed to get through the interviews (partly luck and partly common sense).I therefore embarked on another journey of my life when I joined NCBS in August 2011. At first, coming from a large campus like IITM with its huge student population and where the campus never seemed to sleep, I felt intimidated by the eerie calmness and serene environment outside the labs. But that, as I learnt later, can be deceiving, for within the walls of the building, thev labs are always brimming with activity, despite the lateness of the hour.

During the first three weeks of our programme, an orientation programme was conducted. It focused on every important aspect that was playing a major role in running NCBS and keeping it in good shape. At the core of it was the introductory session by the PI’s who presented and explained the ongoing work in their labs. We were also introduced to the other non-research, but equally important facilities in NCBS. The fact that equal importance was given to all branches of NCBS impressed me.

As the days passed, I begin to observe, and thus, learn more about NCBS. The people were very friendly and also very professional in their work. The help desk attends to the requests of many people without taking much of their time and so does the civil authorities. People, apart from the regular research students, right from the gardeners, electricians ,janitors and housekeeping staff work around the clock to make NCBS look young (literally). The best part about it is their efforts do not go unnoticed.

The thing most fascinating about NCBS is the quality of its research work. The research work being carried out here is one of the finest in India. As put in the words of a certain NCBSian, “What amazes me about NCBS is that the researcher has the freedom to follow his passion and the questions that intrigue him the most”. Although limited to life sciences, it makes the best opportunity of the principles of chemistry, maths, biology and physics by applying them to living systems. The research is integrated, intertwined, and interdisciplinary and proves the saying that “Science is one”. It strives to expand its research areas within the frontiers of biology yet make the chemists, physicists, mathematicians (non-life science students) feel at home with their work.

The faculty members were very eager in explaining about their work. The friendly interactions we had with them were instrumental in helping us to settle down quickly without any room for feeling homesick.

NCBS is unique just like any other institute. Part of this uniqueness lies in its well established scientific community which comprises a network of scientists all over the world. It provides an ideal opportunity to interact with eminent scientists’ worldwide working on a wide array of scientific problems. The conferences and workshops are one way of learning new skills as well as increasing our curiosity. The problems and questions set forth during these seminars leave us intrigued with the mysterious workings of living systems. It also serves as a platform to reach new heights in science, with its diverse collaborative projects and sending research students abroad for conferences and workshops.

The seriousness of safety issues here dawned upon me only after we were made to write a biosafety exam, as well as, presented with a fire safety drill. A lot of emphasis was put on every minute safety detail.

With the orientation programme coming to a close, the students were now in a dilemma of choosing their labs for pursuing their rotations. With the wide array of options available, it sure was hard to make a final choice as all seemed equally interesting. Of course, as I had been waitlisted, my lab had already been decided.

The sports complex at NCBS is worth a special mention. With its polished wooden courts, the well equipped gym, the water of the swimming pool sparkling like diamonds in the sunlight, it makes for a refreshing change of activity. Apart from providing rejuvenation to both the body and mind, it serves a certain purpose for the researchers-to vent out their bottled up frustration in the form of an interesting game of badminton or squash. I was no exception and I started working out at the gym within a week.

It was a refreshing change of food from the stereotyped sambhar, dal and rice typical of Chennai’s cuisine, to the cosmopolitan cuisine of NCBS which offers a variety of dishes. For the first time in two years, I felt the need not to miss a scrumptious breakfast.

The library, I have to admit, although not as huge as the Central Library of IITM, is a relaxing and cosy place to let one's scientific ideas be born, thanks to the wide number of journals-both in electronic format and hard copies, to which it has subscribed. Apart from the diverse scientific journals, a number of popular textbooks covering every aspect in science, can be found all in one place. It is a wonderful place to sit back,relax,and read through a novel without being interrupted.

It has been one and a half months since I joined NCBS. There is still so much about this place that remains unexplored. Time is spent juggling between attending seminars, course work, lab work and working out in the gym or playing badminton. The numerous seminars conducted daily in the institute, or the workshops once in a while keep the interest alive and helps breaks the monotony of graduate life.

A long journey lies ahead of me, a journey during which I hope to explore unchartered territory in the frontiers of science, expand my ever-increasing reservoir of knowledge, make contributions in the field I choose to work in, and last of all, a journey which is bound to put my patience to test. The real story starts here.